


Misadventure

by elem (elem44)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode Tag, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 19:43:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10225694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elem44/pseuds/elem
Summary: Hunters episode addition. How Chakotay reacted to the devastating news of the Maquis massacre. This event was virtually passed over in the episode. This is my take on what could have happened.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Many hugs and grateful thanks to Kat Lady for her excellent beta of this, and all my stories. She is a wealth of information and her help and encouragement are deeply appreciated.

The party on the holodeck had been a stroke of genius on Neelix’s part. The crew were in fine spirits considering what they’d been through over the last few days. Contact with the Alpha Quadrant had been a double edged sword. The connection had been brief, but significant, and had given many a boost and a renewed enthusiasm to continue on. For some it had meant long awaited happy news of friends and family, but for others the news hadn’t been so encouraging. The captain and Chakotay fell into the latter category.

Kathryn tried to be philosophical about the correspondence from her, now ex-fiancé, Mark. She’d known that he would have moved on with his life. She would have done the same in his circumstances. To be honest she rarely thought of him these days. She had put his photo away years ago, not wanting the constant reminder of all she had lost. The trouble was that even though she’d said goodbye and grieved for him, it was still a shock to have tangible evidence that that part of her life was over. She tried to put it into perspective. Others had received devastating news. Loved ones dead, remarried, and children born who would never know their parent. Her loss paled into insignificance in comparison.

She watched Chakotay surreptitiously, trying to judge his frame of mind. His news had been devastating and it not only affected him, but all the ex-Maquis crew. The slaughter of their comrades on Tevlik by Dominion forces was an abomination. He seemed to be taking the news remarkably well. Too well, in fact. It wasn’t natural for a man of Chakotay’s sensitivity to be so seemingly unaffected. There was something very wrong and she was terribly worried about him.

He had been so kind and caring when she’d told him of Mark’s marriage, but he’d been unusually reticent about speaking to her of his loss. Initially she thought he might be trying to spare her feelings, but the more she watched, the more she realised that he was avoiding the whole issue. By not acknowledging the loss, he could blithely go on pretending all was well, concerning himself with everybody else’s troubles rather than dealing with his own. Kathryn recognised the ploy. It was one she used all too often. He needed to talk to someone before the grief festered and became a wound that wouldn’t heal. Kathryn also knew about those. She had lived with several for many years.

Standing towards the back of the room observing, she marvelled at her crew. They were an extraordinary group of people. She missed having a counsellor on board in times like these, but they seemed to be finding ways around it. They were all looking after each other, giving solace to those who were upset, caring for those in need and rejoicing with those that had received good news. Things seemed well in hand, so she decided that it was her turn to counsel the counsellor.

Pilfering a couple of bottles of wine from Neelix’s secret stash, she quietly approached her First Officer.

“Chakotay, I think it’s time for the command team to make themselves scarce. It looks like the children want to play and we’ll only cramp their style.” She moved a little closer and whispered in his ear. “I’ve got two bottles of contraband that I could use some help with. Care to join me?” She smiled at him and tucked her arm under his and began leading him from the room. She wasn’t going to take no for an answer. He knew better than to try and dissuade her, although he wasn’t sure if he was looking forward to the conversation they were going to have.

They walked slowly back to the Turbo lifts, taking the ride to deck three. Walking along the corridor to their rooms, Kathryn looked up at Chakotay. “Where shall go to drink this? Your quarters or mine?”

He pondered a moment and gave her a half smile. “Mine, I think. I have some roasted Terra nuts that Neelix gave me. We can have them with the wine.”

“Lead on, Commander.” She was relieved that he’d chosen his quarters. Being on his own territory might give him more courage to confide in her, and if he got angry with her he could always boot her out.

They entered his quarters and she took a seat on his couch. Chakotay found a couple of glasses and the bowl of nuts and took a seat at her side. He opened the wine and poured two generous glasses. Kathryn picked hers up and they touched their glasses together in a toast. “To the Alpha Quadrant. Nice to know it’s still there.” Chakotay gave her a tired smile.

They sat in silence for a few minutes contemplating the vagaries of the Delta Quadrant. How many times had they come close to home, only to have it snatched away at the last minute? Too many. However, there had been some positive outcomes from today. Kathryn was keeping a close eye on her friend. Time to break the silence.

“Joe Carey got letters from both his boys. He read them out at lunch today and they were hilarious. The youngest one gave a blow by blow description of his last Parrises squares match, right up to the part where he knocked out a tooth. Joe had the room in stitches. I think it helped to cheer up those who didn’t get any letters.” She took a big sip of wine, her anger flaring momentarily. “Damn those Hirogen. I’m so sick of all these bullies out here. Why can’t we run into someone friendly for a change?” She took a gulp of wine and poured more in both their glasses.

She blew out a breath, deciding to move on to happier topics. “My dog, Molly, had six puppies you know? Two males and four females. Poor lamb. Mark said they all went to good homes and Phoebe kept one of the females. Apparently she intends to breed her, so they’ll always have one of Molly’s descendents around. I think that may have been my mother’s idea. It’s the sort of thing she’d do, just in case we make it home soon.”

She sighed and took another sip of wine. “Do you think we’ll ever do it, Chakotay?” He looked at her strangely. She thought back over what she’d said. Blushing, she amended. “Make it home, that is. Do you think we’ll ever get there? On days like today earth seems awfully far away.”

Chakotay drank what was left in his glass and refilled them with the last in that bottle. “Kathryn, I have no doubt we’ll make it home in our lifetimes. Look how far we’ve come already. A few more lucky breaks and you’ll be home to play with the next batch of puppies.”

Kathryn nodded and patted his leg. “I hope you’re right, my friend. I hope you’re right.” Chakotay was looking at her hand on his leg. She noticed his scrutiny and snatched her hand away. His shoulders slumped and he looked deflated. Cross with herself, Kathryn grabbed the second bottle and opened it, pouring wine into both glasses. She had to stop being so paranoid. She trusted Chakotay with her life. What on earth did she think he was going to do if she just put her hand on his leg? She sighed quietly. The trouble wasn’t what Chakotay was likely to do. It was what she wanted to do. She had to get her mind on the task at hand.

They were ploughing through the alcohol at a great rate. She was feeling quite drunk already, she thought, as she took another large sip. Chakotay was matching her glass for glass, so he must be feeling the effects too. They were going to need a sleep in tomorrow if they kept this up. She excused herself and made her way to the bathroom. After using the head, she paged Tuvok.

“Tuvok here, Captain.”

“Tuvok, both Commander Chakotay and I will be up late tonight going over the logs from the array. Could you cover our shifts tomorrow? We should be up and ready to relieve you at 1400.”

“Certainly, Captain. Enjoy your evening.”

“Huh? Uh yes, Tuvok. Goodnight.” She’d done it again. Was Tuvok making fun of her? He sounded amused as only a Vulcan can. She had inadvertently made it sound like they were going to waking up together. God, who cares. Tuvok, more than anyone, should know that she’d never go against protocol like that. He didn’t sound as though he disapproved however. Come to think of it, he sounded downright pleased. She shook her head. She was daydreaming again. She still had to get Chakotay to talk to her about his lost friends, and try and resolve his feelings about that, and she had to get her mind out of the gutter. The wine was playing havoc with her ‘barriers’. She would have to watch herself. She felt far too comfortable in Chakotay’s company. It would be very easy to let the walls drop and indulge. Splashing cold water on her face, she headed back to the living area.

Chakotay was sitting staring at nothing. He turned and watched her as she walked back into the room. As she sat back down, he offered her a Terra nut. She took one and nibbled on it. She didn’t really like them, they tasted a little like stale walnuts, but she needed to do something with her hands or they were going to finish up on Chakotay. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. She chided herself. Think, Kathryn, think. Sipping her wine again, she decided that it was time to broach the subject of the Maquis.

“Chakotay, how are you holding up? You must be feeling very angry and upset about what happened to your friends? Is there anything I can do?” He looked away from her. She frowned, not sure how to proceed. If he was unwilling to talk, there was little she could do to make him. She could hardly order him to open up to her.

She put her hand on his arm. “Chakotay, I’m so sorry. I know it doesn’t really help, but I’m so very sorry this happened. Losing people you care about is never an easy thing to deal with.” She squeezed his arm. “Would you tell me about some of the people, what they were like and how you met them?”

His head jerked around and he stared at her. “Kathryn, they’re dead. There’s no point in gathering information about them for Starfleet.”

She jerked her hand back again. This time it was because of the hurt. Did he really think that was all she cared about? Gathering intelligence for the Federation? The alcohol had weakened her reserves and she had this overwhelming desire to cry. He thought so little of her that she would do that to him. Wounded, her captain’s mask fell into place and she gathered her cloak of restraint around her.

“I’d better go, Chakotay. I’m sorry I intruded. If you need to talk, you know where to find me. Goodnight.” She got up hurriedly, lurching slightly as she raced to the door. She only had to go a short distance to her room and then she could let go. She felt terrible. For him and for herself. This had been a huge mistake. When was she ever going to learn?

She was almost to the door when she was practically yanked off her feet by his hand on her arm. “Kathryn, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that. I know you would never… I’m just… I don’t…” His voice hitched. She turned, his face crumpled and she pulled him into her arms. He collapsed onto her. Great wracking sobs shook his body. “Oh God. They’re all gone. Thousands of them. Oh spirits.” She held on tight to him as he shuddered and cried through his grief. He was leaning on her as his legs gave way and they sank to the floor

It was incomprehensible that the extermination had been so thorough. Whoever this Dominion was, they were a terrifying enemy. Through all this horror, there was a small voice in the back of her mind, rejoicing that he was here and not in the Alpha quadrant. If he had been there, he would be dead too. The thought of that was intolerable.

It was so unfair. He had suffered so much over the years. Losing his family and his home to the Cardassians, then being dragged here to the Delta Quadrant and losing half his crew. Now this. As a soldier on the front line, your comrades become as close to you as any family. You had to trust them with your life and be willing to die for one another. Now he’d lost his Maquis family as well. It was almost too much to bear. She thought of the other ex-Maquis here on Voyager and what they had endured. Young Tabor who had witnessed the torture and murder of his brother and grandfather by the evil doctor, Crell Moset, and now he had this to deal with. Tuvok had told her of Ken Dalby’s wife and her brutal rape and murder at the hands of the Cardassians. He would suffer because of this loss too. Most of the other Maquis had stories to match and at times rival what she’d heard. She had a ship of wounded souls, including the man she held in her arms. She wished there was some way to take his hurt away, to take all of their hurt away.

Chakotay had stopped crying but she still held him, stroking his back to try and soothe him. He slowly pulled back. “Kathryn, I’m sorry.” He wiped his face of tears and began to stand up. “You shouldn’t have to deal with this. I’ll be fine.”

“Chakotay, you have nothing to be sorry for. Your reaction is understandable. You’ve been dealt a terrible blow and I truly want to help, even if it’s just to be here. Can you talk about it now?” She was still a little unsure of his reaction. “But only if you want to.”

“There really isn’t much to tell. I knew many of the people killed. Some were members of my cell and their families. It’s just so incomprehensible. So many lives, and the children, damn, it’s just unbelievable. I really don’t know what to think.” He helped her up off the floor and they sat back down on the couch close to one another. Her presence gave him comfort. He took her hand.

“Kathryn, can you forgive me for what I said? My emotions are such a jumble at the moment. I’m angry with Starfleet, the Cardassians… shit, I’m just plain angry and I lashed out at you. I’m sorry.” He gave her a feeble smile.

“Chakotay, really, it’s ok. Don’t think anything more about it. It’ll take time to get over this and I understand. Truly I do.” She lifted her hand and wiped the remaining tears from his face. He reached up and held her hand to his face, then pulling it around, he kissed her palm. She watched him do this and then raised her eyes to his. Their gazes locked. The emotional furore of the evening, not to mention the copious amount of wine they’d drunk, had left both of them defenceless. Barely able to breathe, Kathryn moved her fingers down the side of his face and across is lips. She felt like she was watching someone else’s hand. The whole situation had taken on an aura of unreality. In the back of her mind, the captain was screaming silently to her not to do this. Protocols, regulations, the crew, don’t do this. But she wasn’t listening, not tonight, and tomorrow, well it would take care of itself. Her hand slid around his neck and she began to lean into him, her eyes riveted to his lips. Their heads were moving together slowly. She closed her eyes just before their lips met.

His mouth was soft and warm. She fell into the kiss, opening her mouth slightly as her tongue teased his lips. She shifted the angle of her head slightly, one hand clutching the front of his shirt and moved closer to him. Suddenly he jerked back and away from her. She thumped back into her seat, shocked. She looked at his startled face, trying to tamp down her arousal.

“Kathryn, what are you doing? Please don’t do this.” He shuffled away from her. Her hand dropped from his front.

She was embarrassed and a little nonplussed at his sudden withdrawal. He looked very uncomfortable. She’d misread the signals. Oh no.

“Chakotay? Oh God, I’m sorry. I thought that you… I’m… Oh God. I’ll go. Goodnight.” She tried to get up to leave but in her haste and inebriated state she tripped over the leg of the coffee table and fell. Here she was on the floor of her First Officer’s quarters, drunk, mortally embarrassed and rejected after having made a pass at him. She wanted to die. What must he think of her? Tears pricked her eyes. She had to get out of here. She was trying to scramble to her feet but she wasn’t making much headway.

“Kathryn! Kathryn, please. Kathryn, stop.” She’d made it to her knees. He came up behind her and put his hand on her shoulder to stop her scrabbling. She knelt with her back to him and her fists clenched in her lap. What the hell had she been thinking? Hanging her head, she watched the tears drop on to her trousers.

“I have to go, Chakotay. I apologise. I’ll understand if you want to make a formal complaint of harassment, but please just let me go.” Her voice was failing her, her mortification stealing it from her.

“Kathryn, please don’t go. I’m sorry. I do love you, but I don’t want you doing this out of pity.” She still hadn’t moved, but she started crying in earnest. He loved her. Why did it sound like he regretted it? She took a deep breath.

“Chakotay, this had nothing to do with pity. This was about comforting a friend I care about. It hurts me to see you in pain. Pity was the furthest thing from my mind. I’m so sorry.” She shuffled around on her knees so that she was kneeling in front of him. She wiped away her tears.

“Chakotay, we’re neither of us at our best tonight. I should go back to my quarters.” She really didn’t want to go, but she didn’t want to stay if he was unsure. So much for safety nets. She was sorry that Mark had moved on, but her love for him had muted over the years and the man in front of her had taken his place in her heart. The dissolution of their relationship had unchained her heart. She could now acknowledge her love for Chakotay, something she’d avoided doing for years. But tonight was not the night for these revelations, gauging by Chakotay’s reaction, or maybe she had misread him, and it was just too late. She was far from sober and wasn’t sure what the morning would bring. She couldn’t bear the thought of him waking up beside her and regretting their night together. She knew that she didn’t want a one night stand. Those had never been her style anyway. If they were going to do this, it was going to be for keeps. If he didn’t want her, she was unwilling to risk their friendship just because she couldn’t control herself after a few glasses of wine.

He was upset by her distress. “If you think its best that you go, then perhaps you should? It’s up to you.” He didn’t want her doing something that she wasn’t ready for. She’d just been dumped, for the want of a better description, and her emotions were obviously all over the place. What had just happened, he was sure, was a symptom of her loneliness and too much wine. He knew if he allowed this to happen, she would regret it, and he’d lose her friendship and he wasn’t willing to let that happen. If she wanted to leave, he would have to let her go. He hoped she realised how much he loved her.

They’d both had far too much to drink and their emotions were raw after the terrible day they’d had. He wanted to comfort her, but he’d spoiled the moment and she was pulling away again.

“Sleep well, Chakotay. I’ll see you in the morning.” She got up off the floor finally, and made her way to the door.

“Kathryn?” She turned and looked at him with sad eyes. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, but caution overrode his heart. “I…umm, I… thank you for listening and taking the time to care.” Damn, that wasn’t what he wanted to say. He may as well have been speaking to a stranger, not the woman he loved.

“Anytime, Chakotay. That’s what friends are for.” Swallowing the lump in her throat, she turned and left before the tears started again.

Friends? Well, he deserved that. Coward. He should follow her and sort this out, but he just sat there looking at the closed doors.

She made it to her quarters in record time. Standing just inside the doors, she took off her jacket and threw it against the bulkhead. Shit, shit, shit. She got a coffee from the replicator and began pacing. She was hurt, but also angry with herself. Why would she throw herself at Chakotay when his emotions were so exposed? Damn, what an idiot. That hadn’t been her intentions. She’d wanted him to talk about his friends and to vent some of the anger he must be feeling. She got him to vent alright. Now they were more confused than ever. What had truly broken her heart was the way he’d said he loved her, as if it was some penance he had to endure. Was she that unlovable and difficult? She felt like she’d lost not only Mark, but Chakotay as well. Two men in one day. That had to be some sort of record.

She took a few deep breaths. She should try to get some sleep. Even though Tuvok was covering the bridge for Alpha shift, she still had lots of work to do in the morning and the decryption of the encoded transmission from Starfleet would take up much of her time.

Too overwrought to sleep, Kathryn decided on a bath. Sliding into the heated water, she kept going until her head was under the water too. Sensory deprivation. She could hear the muted thrum of the engines and the thud of her heart. They beat in concert with one another. Her lungs were close to bursting, but the silence and solitude made her want to stay there. Finally her head broke the surface and she gasped for breath. The shock of air was like a return to reality and she burst into tears. Damn that wine, damn her and damn Chakotay. She cried until there were no more tears and then rose from the water. She got herself ready for bed, trying not to think of the man next door. They were both emotionally fragile at the moment, not the time to make important decisions like whether or not to indulge in a relationship. She was the captain and she had to be sensible about this. The rest of the crew were going to need her to remain calm, cool and collected whilst they recovered from the trauma of this latest debacle. It was for the best that Chakotay didn’t want to be with her. He’d only distract her and divert her attention away from more important issues. This was the right thing to do.

Then why did she feel like someone had just wrenched her heart from her chest? All she wanted to do was cry and all she could think of was that Chakotay didn’t love her anymore, well not enough to want to be with her. The tears threatened again. She ordered a herbal tea from the replicator and sat on her couch with a padd trying to concentrate on the possible encryption codes for the elusive transmission from Starfleet. The tea was one of Chakotay’s favourites and every sip she took reminded her of tonight’s disaster. Giving up, she put down the padd and watched the stars from her viewport.

After Kathryn’s departure, Chakotay tried to make sense of the evenings events. The wine had confused things. Had they been sober, things probably wouldn’t have got out of hand as they had. Touching his mouth, he could still feel her lips on his. Just thinking of their kiss made his heart pound. He’d pulled back just before the passion had taken over. Who was he trying to protect? He’d tried to convince himself that he was worried about Kathryn and how she would feel about the situation if he’d let it run to its natural conclusion. He became aroused just thinking about ‘that’.

The real reason hadn’t been so honourable. He was afraid of being rejected, so he’d done the ‘gentlemanly’ thing and rejected her first, hurting her deeply in the process and then he didn’t even have the guts to apologise and make her understand. He felt terrible. She’d been here to comfort him and ease his pain and she’d done so because she was a good friend and genuinely cared about him and his wellbeing. He’d left her high and dry, allowing her to think that she’d imposed upon him when really all he’d wanted was to take her in his arms and make love to her. He’d always silently accused her of being cold and standoffish, but now he looked at the situation from a different perspective. Up until today she’d been engaged to be married, and she was ferociously loyal. She wasn’t going to be unfaithful to Mark even though he was 60,000 light years away. What he’d perceived as rigidity and aloofness was really a resolve and strength of character that left him looking like a fickle and indecisive heel. He’d sworn his allegiance to her but his resolve had weakened on many an occasion. It was probably for the best. She was too good for him. He would only finish up hurting her. Bullshit. He loved her like no other person in his life. If she was his, he would protect her and love her until death. Tomorrow. He would see her tomorrow and explain to her about this evening and tell her he loved her. Tomorrow. He took himself off to bed to run through the speech he would make and envisaged her relief and joy as he took her in his arms.

Kathryn couldn’t sleep and she didn’t want to stay in her quarters any longer. The walls were closing in and knowing he was so close was distracting and disturbing. Putting on her uniform again, she headed to the Astrometrics lab to see if she could make head or tail of the Starfleet transmission. Safely ensconced in the Lab, she started running and eliminating encryption codes to try and decipher what information Starfleet had sent them.

Suddenly she was thrown off her feet by a huge jolt. It felt like a phaser hit. Tapping her comm badge, she tried to hail the bridge. There was no response. The comm panel was dead as well. Another teeth rattling jolt took out the power and Astrometrics glowed eerily under emergency lighting. She had to get to the Bridge. Trying the doors, they wouldn’t open. Typical. Even with the manual override she couldn’t budge them.

It was getting hot. Environmental controls must be off line too. They were in a bad way and the only way to the Bridge was through the Jeffries tubes, eight decks straight up. She opened the hatch and began her climb.

Chakotay was thrown from his bed by the first jolt. It was close, the hit, probably somewhere on this deck. Throwing his clothes on, he raced out the door. Kathryn would be on her way as well. Knowing her, she was probably on the bridge already. He could never figure out how she made it there so quickly. He’d jokingly told her one day that he suspected there was a secret passage from the captain’s quarters directly to the bridge. She’d just raised an eyebrow in a perfect imitation of Tuvok and laughed at him.

The second jolt plunged him momentarily into darkness until the emergency lighting took over. He tried to hail the bridge but communications were down. He decided not to use the turbo lifts. The last thing he needed was to be stuck in the lift when they were under attack. It was only a short climb to the bridge through the tubes. Pulling the hatch, he climbed in and up.

He scrambled through the opening on to the bridge to be met with the organised chaos of the crew at battlestations. Ruptured conduits were hanging from the ceiling and consoles were smoking. As he got to his feet, he yelled above the noise. “Report.”

Tuvok was at tactical. “Commander, we were fired upon by an unknown vessel. We have minimal shields. The attacking vessel was destroyed with our initial phaser blast after it failed to answer our hails. Environmental controls and communications are down, but damage reports are coming through on ships padds. Have you seen the captain? There is extensive damage on decks three through to five and there have been several reports of hull breaches in those areas.”

Chakotay’s heart stopped. He couldn’t hear anything. There was this loud ringing in his ears. He hadn’t even thought to check on her whereabouts.

Tom fell from the Jeffries tube on to the bridge. “Where’s the captain? The bulkheads are gone from her quarter’s right down through to deck four and sickbay.” He looked at the horrified faces of the bridge crew. She wasn’t here. He shot back into the tube with Chakotay following close behind. They stumbled out on to deck three and ran down to her quarters. Checking that emergency bulkheads were in place, they prised open her doors.

What greeted them was a nightmare. Chakotay fell to his knees. There was nothing there. Open space was before them. Her quarters were gone and so was she. Tom stood there mumbling. “No, no, no. Oh God, no.” He hauled Chakotay up and dragged him out into the corridor, sealing the doors behind him. Chakotay just stood there staring at the bulkhead. Suddenly he roared and started slamming his fists into the wall. Tom watched with tears streaming down his face.

Kathryn had climbed as far as deck four before she ran into problems. The hatch on deck four was jammed. She would have to backtrack and take the aft tube. She was dripping. Environmental controls were obviously still offline or she was in worse shape than she thought. 20 minutes later she had managed to get to deck two before finding another jammed hatch. She was getting damned angry as it meant another backtrack. Whoever had attacked her ship had stopped. There had only been the two shots fired. Chakotay must have things well in hand. Her knees were raw and her hands were bleeding from crawling along the rough flooring. She would look into having the main tubes carpeted after this was over.

Tom had eventually calmed Chakotay down, reminding him that they had work to do before they could do anything about the captain. They slowly made their way back to the bridge. Crawling out of the hatch first, Tom looked at Tuvok and the expectant faces of the bridge crew and shook his head. Chakotay emerged and took his place in his chair without a word to anyone. Everyone on the bridge was stunned. Harry hung his head. The young ensign at the engineering station began to cry quietly. Chakotay was trying to think what to do. All he could see was Kathryn’s sad face as she left his quarters tonight. He’d let her go because he was too much of a coward to tell her how he felt and reassure her. He’d allowed her to walk away from him because he wasn’t willing to take the risk that she might reject him, even after she’d made it clear that she wanted to move forward with their relationship. He was tempted to go back to her quarters and drop the emergency bulkheads so at least she wouldn’t be alone out there in space.

It was all too much. He had to get out of there. The danger was past and Tuvok had things under control. He stood up and marched into the briefing room. He couldn’t go into her ready room. She was still there, her scent and her presence. He was lost. He sat on the floor in the far corner of the room, hidden in the shadows. Tears wouldn’t come. His grief was beyond tears. He’d completely shut down. The only reason he knew he was alive was that his hands ached. He’d broken bones slamming them into the bulkhead outside her quarters, or what had been her quarters. He detachedly examined his battered and swollen knuckles, then taking his left hand in his right he squeezed. Pain shot through him. It blinded him to the real torment, the physical pain giving him a small respite from the overwhelming agony of loss. Kathryn, Kathryn, oh God, Kathryn.

Finally, she could see the open hatch that led to the bridge. She was a mess, her uniform scuffed and torn and her hair a tangled mess, but she was so glad to see the light of day. She virtually fell out of the hatch. Standing up and brushing herself off, she scraped her hair out of her eyes. “Report.”

She was confronted with an array of stunned faces. Tom was standing by Harry’s ops station trying to console his friend. They both stood with their mouths hanging open. Kathryn scanned the bridge looking very puzzled. Tom sprang into action.

“Captain, you’re alive.” Forgetting who, where and what he was, he grabbed her in a hug, lifting her off the floor. Kathryn was taken totally by surprise.

“Mr Paris, will you put me down.” He deposited her back on the deck, but he was still looking at her with a goofy grin on his face. “Will you please tell me what that was all about and then, Tuvok, I would like a report on who broke my ship.”

Tuvok remained stoic but there was a suspicious glimmer in his eyes. “Captain, it appears news of your demise was somewhat premature. Your quarters were lost in the initial attack and it was presumed you were in there when the bulkheads collapsed. I am pleased to see we were in error.” She smiled at her old friend. That was as close as she was likely to get to the Vulcan equivalent of what Tom had just done. In fact it was positively gushy for a Vulcan. She was touched.

“Alright, everyone, time to get back to work. Mr Paris, your station please.”

“Yes Ma’am.” She looked at him severely. “I mean, yes, Captain.” He grinned at her. “It’s good to have you back.”

Her face softened. “Thank you, Tom. Tuvok, I’d like that report now.” Patting Harry on the shoulder as she went past, she sat down in the central seat and began accessing her console for information. Tuvok began his report.

“We were fired upon by an unknown vessel that dropped out of warp 20,000km off to starboard. They fired two blasts before shields were activated. There were two direct hits. One took out sections 22 to 35 on decks three to five.” He looked pointedly at her. “No casualties.” She smiled. “The second shot damaged our starboard nacelle. The vessel refused to answer hails and it was destroyed by a single phaser shot. There are no other vessels on long range scans. Emergency bulkheads are in place on deck three to five and engineering staff are assessing the damaged nacelle. Communications are back on line and environmental controls are at 50 percent of normal but should be fully functional in another 2 hours. The doctor has set up a temporary infirmary in the mess hall.”

“Thank you, Tuvok. Send reports through to my ready room.” She got up from her seat and then realised Chakotay was not on the bridge. “Where is the Commander?”

Tom shot a worried look at Harry. “Captain? Oh damn!” Wrapped up in the relief of finding her alive, Tom and the others had forgotten about Chakotay.

“What is it, Tom? Where is he?” Now she was worried. They’d said there were no casualties. Her heart was pounding. Where the hell was he?

“He umm…doesn’t know you’re alive. He was… upset. Very upset. I’m sorry, Captain, we should have thought. He was in a bad way…” Tom and Harry looked very distressed. She had to find him. Now.

She looked to and fro between Tom and Tuvok. “Where?”

“He went into the briefing room a short time ago. Should I send him to your ready room, Captain?”

“No, no, Tuvok. I’ll find him. I’ll find him.” She muttered to herself as she hurried across the bridge and entered the briefing room. It was dimly lit and looked empty.

“Chakotay? Chakotay, are you in here?” She was about to leave and look for him elsewhere when she heard a sound from the far side of the room.

“Chakotay, where are you? Computer lights.” The lighting increased to about 50%. She saw him sitting on the floor in the corner. He had his head down on his knees and his battered hands over is ears. She moved over to him. He’d been injured by the look of his hands and needed to get to sickbay. Damn, no sickbay. Well, he at least needed to see the Doctor. She put her hand on his arm. His head jerked up and he stared at her. “Chakotay, are you alright? Do we need to get the Doctor?” She placed her hand on his face to see if he was feverish. He grabbed her hand in his broken one. He could barely speak. Was she a ghost come to haunt him? She felt real. She was alive. He’d thought he’d been hearing things when she’d first entered the room.

“Kathryn? Kathryn, you’re alive. How? Your quarters… what happened? Are you hurt?” He hauled her into his arms. He wasn’t going to let her go again. Ever.

“Chakotay, I’m fine.” She held on tight to him, so glad he was alright. “I was in Astrometrics, not my quarters. It took me forever to get to the bridge. What are you doing in here?” She pushed back from him a little.

“I thought you were dead.” His voice caught. “I… I didn’t know what to do. All I could think of was that you were somewhere out there alone and I’d let you walk away from me without telling you how much I love you. All I could see was your face as you left my quarters. I’d let you go and now you were gone forever.” He ran his swollen hand down the side of her face, his face still a mask of anguish.

“Oh Chakotay. I’m fine really, and I love you too. I should have told you last night, but like you, things were so mixed up. You know, for two people who can run a starship, manage a diverse crew and successfully defeat any obstacle placed in our path, we are hopeless with our own lives.” She snuggled on to his lap, putting her arms around him and resting her head on his shoulder. She picked up his poor injured hand. “You’ve broken bones here, my love. Wait here.” She jumped up and retrieved the med kit from the console. Sitting herself back down on his lap, she went about fixing his damaged hands. “How did you manage to do this? There are several breaks in each hand.” He was watching her face as she concentrated on passing the osteoregenerator over the fractures. When he didn’t answer, she looked up into his tear filled eyes. “Chakotay, what is it? I’m sorry. Am I hurting you?”

He shook his head. “I broke them on the wall outside your quarters after Tom and I found them destroyed.” She could imagine what had happened. She would ask Tom later exactly what had occurred.

“Is the wall still in one piece?” She smiled at him, trying to lighten the mood, but he was still staring at her with grief filled eyes.

“Oh Chakotay, I’m so sorry. But it’s ok. We’re both fine and the ship will be repaired and life will return to normal. Just like it always does.” He was still so distraught.

She finished with his hands. “There you are. Good as new.” He flexed his fingers. Kathryn handed him the dermal regenerator. “Will you fix mine now? The floors of the Jeffries tubes are brutal when you have to crawl around them for an hour and a half. My knees have seen better days as well.” He looked at the palms of her hands and gently ran his fingers over the small cuts and abrasions. She pulled up the legs of her trousers exposing her tortured knees. Taking the instrument from her, Chakotay ran the regenerator over the grazes on her knees, running his other hand up and down her lower leg as he worked. Once finished he gently pulled the cloth of her pants back down over her legs and then reverently took her hands in his as he ran the instrument over the wounds on her palms. They both watched as the skin slowly returned to normal. Finished, he put the regenerator aside and kissed both her palms. He held both her hands between his and looked her in the eyes.

“Before we go any further, I have to explain to you about last night. I was afraid. It seems so ridiculous now. I was worried that you’d change your mind about us. I should have realised that you wouldn’t have kissed me if you weren’t sure and as you said yesterday, spirits, was it only yesterday?” He shook his head in disbelief. “The safety net is gone. Kathryn, I love you and as you’ve just witnessed, as have most of the crew, I can’t live without you. I love you.” His voice shuddered. “I love you.”

“I love you too. So very much.” She leant forward again and caught his mouth in a deep and healing kiss. He groaned into her mouth. Without disengaging her mouth from his, she moved around so she was straddling his lap and wrapped her legs around his back. He was kissing her deeply, his tongue sliding into her mouth to taste her. Their mouths moved together as their hands roamed each others bodies. He was kissing her neck, biting her earlobes and running his hands through her hair. She had her hands in his hair and held his head to her as he found that spot behind her ear that was linked directly to her nipples and clitoris. She melted into his arms. She could feel his growing arousal pressing against her aching centre. She ground herself down onto him. She was being carried away on a wave of pre-orgasmic bliss.

He was stroking her back and sliding his hand between her buttocks feeling the dampness and heat coming from her centre. Even through their clothes she could feel the warmth from his hardened length. Her arousal was building as she moved against him. He was fully erect and pushing himself into her heat. She gripped his shoulders as she rode him. He kissed her neck and pinched her nipples through the thick Starfleet jacket. They were both panting and moaning as she rocked against him, her clothes rough against her aroused flesh and her motions carrying them to the brink. Kathryn clenched at the fabric of his jacket, slamming herself on to him. She threw her head back as she exploded, her body shuddering and her hips jerking against him. He groaned as he followed her, thrusting his hips towards her. She slumped forward on to his chest, totally spent. He held her close. The smell of sex permeated the room.

“Oh God, Chakotay. Can you imagine what it will be like with our clothes off? I love you.” She was grinning at him and gave him a languid kiss. “I’ve never done that before. It was amazing.” She looked over her shoulder at the doors to the bridge. “I wonder what the crew think we’re doing in here?”

“Apart from Paris, I don’t think that anyone would ever imagine this. You’re a beautiful woman, Kathryn, sexy as hell and I love you.”

“I love you too, but I have to move. My legs are cramping and as much as I’d love to stay here with you like this, we really should get back to the bridge. Let’s get cleaned up and then see how things are going.” She climbed out of his lap, and offered her hand to haul him up off the floor. “Are you alright now? I’m sorry I gave you such a scare.”

He grabbed her and held her to him, kissing her soundly. “Don’t ever do that to me again. My poor heart can’t take it. I love you, Kathryn Janeway, and I need you more than my next breath.” He kissed her again, his despair replaced by joy.

She led him by the hand to the small bathroom off the debriefing room and got a damp cloth. Looking up at him, she smiled. “Let me?” Undoing his trousers, she pulled them and his boxers down, enthusiastically cleaning the remnants of their lovemaking from his groin and abdomen. Toeing off his shoes, he slipped both his trousers and boxers off.

“I’ll have to go without until I can replicate a new pair of boxers. We’ll just have to avoid Tuvok for a while.” She wasn’t really listening, her attention was focused on his penis. She was fondling him and running her fingers over the soft head. Her ministrations were causing him to harden slightly. “Kathryn, we’ll never get out of here if you keep that up.”

She smiled lasciviously at him. “Nice pun, Commander. The problem being…?” He pulled his trousers up, tucking himself in as best he could.

“Come on, woman. Let’s get to the ready room so I can throw you across that desk of yours and fuck you like I’ve fantasised for years.”

“You’ve had fantasies about ‘fucking’ me? For years?” Arousal shot through her at his crude language and the thought of what he wanted to do to her. A blush began creeping up her neck.

“And you haven’t?” He bent down close to her face. “I’ll tell you mine if you’ll tell me yours? We’ll see whose are the most outrageous.”

“I don’t know, Chakotay. You might have some stiff competition.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Nice pun, Captain.” She laughed and hit him on his arm. “Ouch! Are you always going to be so rough with me?” She shot him a heated gaze. “Mind you, I think I like it.”

She swung around and hung from his neck. “Chakotay, I promise we will get a chance to explore all those fantasies, both mine and yours. I love you and I would give anything to make love to you again right now, but we have to go.” She ground her lower body against his, making him groan. He cupped her groin, feeling the dampness through her clothes. They had some serious lovemaking to do after they had repairs and incident reports out of the way. As much as he wanted to tear her clothes off and take her right where they stood, he understood that duty came first. He kissed her soundly and then took her hand. “We’re due on the bridge, Captain. Would you join me for dinner after shift?”

“Certainly, Commander. It will have to be your quarters though. Mine seem to be missing. In fact, you’re going to have a bunk mate for a while.” She looked at him sideways and quirked an eyebrow. “You don’t mind sharing, do you, Commander? It is after all your job to take care of the captain’s needs.” She grinned at him. “I’ll bring the wine and replicate a new toothbrush.”

An invisible hand squeezed his heart at the mention of her quarters. He swung her back into his arms. “You can bring anything you like as long as you’re there. I’m not ever letting you out of my sight again. From this day forward, you’ll be beside me and if the bulkheads go, at least we’ll go together.”

“If that was a proposal, Commander, I’ve heard better.” She watched his face as he grasped her meaning.

“Wanting to live and die with you isn’t good enough? Well, I’m afraid it’s the best I can do at the moment. I’m still coming to terms with your death and subsequent resurrection. Give me a little time and I’ll see what I can do.”

“You’re on, Commander.” She kissed him deeply. Stepping back, she took his hand. “Let’s get things in order, Chakotay, and then we can see about that dinner. Are you with me?”

“Always, my love. Always.”

With that they stepped back through the doors onto the battered bridge and got to work.


End file.
